A Tale of Two People by Eddy Dio

John and Mary are very similar but also very different. John and Mary are very smart, educated, cheap and like their cigarettes and alcohol. John is also very street smart.

The difference between them is:

Mary looks down on people who don’t have an educational background behind them such as a college degree, wealth or prestige. She would not even date anyone without this criteria because she feels that is beneath her and that she is better then them because she is well educated. She is an over achiever, likes money and wants to live comfortably the rest of her life.

John is an under achiever. He hates big corporations/business and what they stand for, anyone who makes a lot of money, the white collar field, chain stores. He does not get along with these types. He chooses to work blue collar jobs, is a bleeding hearted liberal, would rather struggle then have it easy, and leans towards the democratic way.

They both make good and bad points but I don’t necessarily agree with everything they believe in nor would I put such restrictions on myself in my life. We should not judge a person by their past, educational background or economic status. We should judge a person on how they treat others, especially on how they treat you.

Senior Citizens Lanes by Eddy Dio

We all know that Senior citizens (old people) can be some of the slowest drivers around. On the local streets they drive lower then the 25 mile per hour speed limit, ride with their blinker on for blocks and then when they do actually turn, it’s an accident. They drive like they don’t have a care in the world or have to be anywhere anytime soon. If they have an appointment they probably leave 2 hours before so they won’t be late.

So, here is what I propose. You know the old carpool lanes that no one uses anymore, make them senior citizen lanes. They would be for senior drivers and for any other slow ass drivers for that matter. If you are not in a hurry and are going to be driving under the speed limit you must be driving in those lanes, by law. Her are some of my ideas. Giant padded bulldozer scoops on the guard rails of the highways and if they spot a slow driver they would deploy and knock the cars back into the slow lanes. I am sure no one would drive under the speed limit after that. Other ideas would be less drastic . A laser system that would shoot some kind of scanning device into your car and if you get pulled over a police officer can scan your car for slow driving violations. If you’re caught driving slow in any other lane, you will also get a ticket. Another idea would be cameras, like they have, at toll booths, for toll runners. You would get a summons in the mail and fined. If this happens three times you will have your license suspended. You would then need to take the driving test over again and get a note from your doctor, saying you are healthy enough to operate machinery. They do this in other states. It would probably alleviate traffic and who wants to be stuck driving behind a senior citizen anyway?

Friends? by Eddy Dio

Did you ever wonder about how your friends treat you sometimes? Sometimes you feel you would probably be treated better by strangers.


You know the old saying. “you don’t know who your friends are until your time of need”? Well 4 friends stopped talking to me when I was going through my cancer treatments years ago. . There is only one I have been talking again but the others have not heard from them since. Whatever it was that made them stop calling me should have been pushed aside until I got better to deal with it. Your friend is sick and your letting trivial unimportant, petty things get in the way because you are selfish. I never did find out why the other three stopped calling me but who cares at this point. People have told me” Maybe they couldn’t handle it.” First of all that’s a very lame excuse and a cop out. Secondly. If they couldn’t handle it they why didn’t they tell me?

The biggest excuse is when your friends say they couldn’t call/email you because they were busy. No one is ever too busy to pick up the phone and call. Now with cell phones it should be easier then ever. When someone says they were too busy to call you back it’s just an excuse to say they couldn’t be bothered. If they literally didn’t return anyone’s phone call you’d believe them. We all pick and choose whom we call and don’t call back.

Now with the internet we have social networking sites. I am reluctantly on one. No one wants to talk on the phone or even step outside of the house because we don’t want to go out and interact anymore. I remember calling on the phone and just meeting whomever. This is way before computers and cell phones. Anyway. I have several friends on this social website. These are people I know. They send you friend requests and you either accept them or decline them. I even get some from people I don’t know. I don’t know you so what makes you think I am going to want to be your friend? You can also talk to them by instant messenger when they are logged on. It will show up on your chat. So I am usually the one saying hello first and initiating conversation, not them. Then it is like pulling teeth to get them to respond or carry on a conversation. Why did you friend me in the first place if you do not want to talk to me or are you just a friend collector? Is it to boast how many friends you have collected. I don’t get it. It is a waste of my time. So I think I will start deleting all the “friends” I have who fit this category. Maybe they will get the hint. Friendship is a job that you have to work at to maintain and just like any job it comes with responsibilities.

Why Men Should Have Vagina Envy by Eddy Dio

I was on a day trip with some friends, one of them being female. She was complaining about how women only make a certain amount of money on the dollar compared to men, how women get passed up for promotions over men. Then I started thinking how that wasn’t so bad compared to what women can do that men can’t.

Women don’t have to shave their faces.

The majority of women who lose their hair and to the extent they lose it compared to men is relatively small.

Women can have multiple orgasms.

Women can fake orgasms.

In porno movies women don’t have to show their orgasms.

Women don’t have to worry about impotence.

Women don’t get embarrassing erections.

Women don’t have to worry about premature ejaculation.

Women are not made fun of if they can’t sexually perform.

Women live longer then men.

I’ve never heard of a woman dying in bed from a heart attack during sex.

Women can go to the bathroom in pairs or more and not looked at as being strange.

Women can feed babies with their breasts.

Women are allowed to change their minds.

It’s not polite to ask a women’s age or weight.

Women are allowed to get mad if someone leaves the toilet seat up.

Women don’t have to worry about circumcision.

Woemn can wear makeup to look nice or cover an imperfection.

Women are always trying to prove to themselves they’re still attractive.

Women don’t reach their sexual peak until their thirties.

It’s acceptable for an older woman to date a younger man.

Women can greet each other with a kiss.

Women are not made fun of and/or compared for the lack of size of their sex organs.

A woman can shave her pubic hair, admit she masturbates, have a lesbian affair and still be looked at as normal.

They make sex toys and lingerie for women.

Women urinate and orgasm from two different places.

It’s acceptable for women to have cosmetic surgery.

So you see some of the advantages of being a woman. Physically, biologically and sexually they are superhuman beings and I’m surprised they have not been treated that way from the start.

Personal Ads: Are They For Real? by Eddy Dio

Just another scheme in the singles game. I've answered my fair share of them but few have actually panned out. After calling them, they say they're going to call you back, but do they ever? Maybe one in a million, if that. It's always me pursuing them, calling them back, leaving messages that never get returned. Most single men can relate to that.

Women say they don't want anyone who plays games but they're the ones playing the games: chasing them, leaving messages, no return phone calls. You get the picture. And they wonder why they're alone or haven't found the right type. That's because they don't give a guy the chance to get to know them and that's because they don't answer the responses to their ads. Stretching the truth or all-out lying is part of the territory in personal ads because now they are online. It's just a bunch of words on a website and a photo. Whether or not the photo is of them or what they really look like, presently, and not many years ago, is debatable.


One time, I answered an ad and the lady said she was a certain age, didn't say anything about having children, and was voluptuous but not overweight. When I talked to her, she slowly revealed the opposing truth. I finally met her in person. Yes, she was overweight but that wasn't a problem, the fact that she lied to me was a problem. I mean the ad was deceiving, she lied from the get go. Not only that, initially, I had to call her repeatedly before she called me back.

If you're going to place a personal ad, shouldn't you be as honest as possible for the best response? If you're overweight then maybe you should put that in your ad as well as if you have children, your height, if you're a smoker or a drinker. If you do that, being honest, I mean, no one will be discouraged.

Certainly, it's disappointing when you read these ads and you can't answer them, because you can't measure up to the strict requirements. Few of us can. Lying only gets the wrong response. Honesty keeps those from responding who aren't interested in someone with children, is overweight, smokes, drinks, etc., and those who are do respond.

Personal ads requiring perfection are doomed from the onset. Here's an example: MUST have a full head of hair (which I do not have), MUST be tall, 5' 11" or taller (I'm only 5'6"), MUST be muscular, athletic, (1 have a slight build), MUST be a doctor, lawyer, policeman (I'm not even close), MUST be between a certain age (I'm either too young or too old), MUST like going to clubs ([ don't like the bar scene at all), MUST be a certain weight, etc.. etc.... You get the picture.

Admittedly, not all the ads are like this, but it's discouraging to read these ads because you’re not perfect. Who is?

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with wanting a certain type but when you get too specific, it takes the fun out of it. There's no spontaneity.

I have a friend who answered a personal ad. He met this women at her house. This lady, (whom I believe was unemployed), had the nerve to say to my friend that he would have to work three jobs to support her and her kids. That takes a lot of nerve to say to someone you just met. If she had the decency to tell him all this in her ad or on the phone. He would have said "Forget it!"

Since some of these women who place ads are looking for perfection, I would like to place my own ad looking for perfection. Here it is: SWM ISO the perfect women. MUST be in great shape (athletic build—can't be overweight in the least bit), MUST have their real hair (no wigs, weaves), MUST be their natural color (not bleached, streaked, frosted, highlight¬ed in any way, shape or form), MUST have their real teeth (no caps, bridge work, etc....), MUST be financially secure (a high-paying job, no welfare or government assistance), MUST be a doctor, lawyer or a CEO of a big company or any related big money-making position, MUST like to spend money (especially on me), MUST have no kids whatsoever, MUST have their own place (preferably a house), MUST be materialistic and superficial. Will only respond to women who meet this criteria (or similar qualities). How many responses would this ad solicit? Very few if any at all. And if I did get responses, it would be from women responding to put me in my place.


Demanding perfection in a potential partner makes it harder for everyone to meet anyone. In seeking a soul mate, why do we put so much emphasis on looks and material possessions? Go into it with an open mind and have a good time. If you're too picky, you'll never find what you're really looking for, someone who loves and respects you for who you are and appreciates your unique qualities.

There's nothing wrong with wanting certain qualities, but let's not go overboard.
I knew someone who was very, very picky. He would not even look at a girl unless she was "exceptionally thin" because he liked the anorexic model type. If the woman couldn't hide behind a piece of dental floss—forget it! When he finally stopped being so picky, he found a compatible woman, who couldn't hide behind a piece of dental floss, and is now happily married. Certainly, he was surprised to find what he wanted in the most unlikely package. And so can you if you don't have anything too specific in mind.

Food Handling Hygiene by Eddy Dio

Did you ever go into a diner and when the waiter/waitress brings you your food, what do you notice? They have their thumb in your French fries. I didn’t order that, is that going to be extra? You think they could wear one of those food handling gloves. Their hands could have been up their nose, down their pants, in someone else’s food dish when they go to clean the table off. And then you’re eating that. Yummy.

Salad bars are open sores. Someone could have sneezed in there and you’d think it’s guacamole or relish.


Go to a bar and order a tap beer. The bartender submerges the tap into your mug when he/she fills and refills your beer. They do this with everyone else's beer as well. In essence it becomes community beer because you are tasting everyone else's blood (if their gums bleed), saliva, dinner and whatever else they had in their mouths. You might as well take sips from each others beer because it’s the same thing. Notice how bartenders grab empty used glasses off the bar by putting their fingers inside the glass and then puts a straw in your drink or a lime in your Corona with the same fingers. Makes me want to drink it even more.


What about deli’s? What happens when someone accidently cuts their fingers in the slicer? I’m eating finger sandwhiches. But the best is when the person, who just made your sandwhich, gives it to you and you notice the band aid on their finger with the big blood stain on it.